I sat there stunned, looking back and forth trying to clear my head. Had this really happened. Had I really done this. Could I live with myself.

“I want to be with you always and when you get married. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I needed to tell her.

I got up and quietly went downstairs. She had gone, the door standing wide, our dog yapping in the street. I had screwed it up and it was too late. All I wanted to do was hide. I went back to my room. I leaned against the wall and slid down the wall, tears flowing. I was at rock bottom. I felt so empty. My finger nervously tapped my knee. I listened to the dog.

“Please stop,” I thought.

“I am sorry.”

“Do you love me?” Thoughts rattling in my mind

“I do.”

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes.” What a joke. Isn’t love forever?

I wiped my eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Yes I am sure.” If she ever loved me she’d turn around.

I went back down to check the doorway.
Fool, a fool.

She wasn’t there. I couldn’t be with her anymore. I decided to leave her a note. I don’t know what it said. I don’t want to know. It hurt. I put the note on the kitchen counter. I felt so angry, how. What was it about?

I cleaned the house, doing it slowly. I sat down on the couch and waited. I told myself I could forgive her and live happily ever after. It had to work because she loved me.

She…what?

The more I thought about it the more confused I got. Was it love? Could it ever be? No matter what I thought I knew it couldn’t be. She lied to me. She hid this relationship from me.